Stop soldier death

Last year, at one point I stopped reading Azerbaijani news. It was because almost every day there was news about soldier deaths and suicides coming from the army. When I read last, I remember clearly there were more than thirty soldiers died in the army. They all had the same reasons; for suicide- psychological problems, for death- misuse of guns.  In a book by O.Pamuk ‘Snow’’ Ka goes back to a small Turkish city where plenty of young school girls commit suicide. One of his intentions to report on the suicides of young religious girls forbidden to wear head-scarves. I think we needed somebody like him to go to the army and investigate the reason, the real reason behind the deaths and suicides. But there was not anybody and we all waited till the death of Jeyhun Gubatov, because this time they failed to say it was misuse of gun or suicide.  ( Although, in the paper sent to the mother from the officials it says the reason of his death was connected to the heart problem .)

He is one of those young kids coming from poor  and one-parent family, which is why he was sent to one of the rural regions in the army. (Like unwritten rules in my culture which is called ‘mentalitet’ there are unwritten rules in the army service too.)  In the third month of his service he was killed. Don’t you think by an Armenian in the front line. He was killed by other Azerbaijani soldiers with whom he was serving. Yes, 19-year-old Jeyhun, the only son of a mother who had to raise him all alone was beaten up  to death by his fellow soldiers in the army. That is what, finally, awaken us-Azerbaijanis.

Today, in Baku, there will be a protest, hopefully! I have never been any part of any protest. However, I want to join my fellow citizens who are protesting against soldier deaths in the army. This protest is not simply against the soldiers who killed Jeyhun or the government officials who let such kind of terrible things happen. I think we are protesting against us too. No matter how ugly it sounds, but it is true the doers of this terrible thing are Azerbaijani soldiers, so we are protesting against our friends, neighbors, brothers, partners, fellow citizens- male Azerbaijanis. We are telling them don’t beat each other! Don’t insult!! Don’t kill! You are in the army to protect one  another too not just your country.

We need to change things!

P.S. Before we all the Azerbaijanis have heard lots of stories from army: how stronger, richer, more educated, more experienced soldiers beat weaker ones. My friends know that I have a term for a group of boys in Azerbaijan, I call them ‘special guys’. They are the guys who chase girls in the streets, who say stupid words to them, thinking they are cool, in short, boys who think they are better than girls by just being a boy and have all kind of rights to insult girls they don’t  even know.  We can’t really find reasons to their ‘special’ behavior, but taking into consideration the army situation they must be those who have been beaten and insulted in the army, so that when they are back they do beat and insult their women to feed their ego, with an attempt to provide themselves with the self-confidence they never possessed. Quick note here, in Azerbaijan there are decent boys too that don’t deserve to be called ‘special guy’ at all.




everything is more now..

the more I think about you

the more I want to come to you…

I miss you more

I love you more now..

I want to run to you

stand in front of you

looking right into your eyes

shout I need you more now!


It all started from a line

Being persistent always pays off; when we really want something we never give up until we get what we want.

I think it is the same in relationships, if there is love, which holds different definitions for different people, then there will be a happy beginning, eventually. In other words, if we want to spend a lifetime with our beloved person we will not surrender to any kind of difficulties standing on our way. As lazy people do-how they can convince others showing hundred of excuses for their laziness- it is the same in relationship, the person who does not want to make a commitment will come up with dozens of excuses convincing everybody around, particularly, the opposite side that s/he is a good person  but… there is nothing acceptable to continue this sentence.

I recall our professor at our university in Baku, who already had pretty enough life experience to share with students from time to time.  It was last day of university years, he was blaming young generation, as most other members of older generation do, that young generation, we, consume everything in a very greedy way.

Out of his words, I never forget what he said about confessing love. He said: “I still remember that very first time I told my wife I loved her, and it took me years to tell her that very sentence, although I loved her and cared about her long before that day. But you guys, meet today and tomorrow express your so-called love, of which you have no single idea”. Our professor, of whom, we thought as a very shy boy back then, had a point. I have started to understand his point as I add years onto my age. Love is not in words, but in actions. It is not in text messages, or chats but in a warm look staring right into your eyes expressing readiness to make sacrifice for you as it is what it takes. Continue reading

Pacifier tree

Germans in Germany are surprising me more and more every passing day. I hope one day I will be able to gather all my observations in one post. While waiting for that time I wanted to share with you a tree of pacifiers; a Pacifier Tree.
In my home country- Azerbaijan, host country -Bulgaria and in neighborhood countries -Georgia and Turkey I have seen -probably you too if you have visited, at least, one of them -wish trees from which people hang small pieces of clothes, and wish something.  While we were visiting a small town-Passau we saw a tree with pacifiers. The three rivers city- Passau will always be on my mind as a city with a pacifier tree.

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On Living- a poem by Nazim Hikmet

In the midst of questions on life and living, I remembered this poem by a Turkish poet, Nazim Hikmet.  First time I heard it years ago, it got me thinking how we need to live in order to be able to say I lived. I am keeping my thoughts on life and living to myself to let you enjoy this beautiful poem. The video is in Turkish, however you can read English version of it. For the English version of his other poems check this website.

On Living


Living is no laughing matter:
you must live with great seriousness
like a squirrel, for example–
I mean without looking for something beyond and above living,
I mean living must be your whole occupation.
Living is no laughing matter:
you must take it seriously,
so much so and to such a degree
that, for example, your hands tied behind your back,
your back to the wall,
or else in a laboratory
in your white coat and safety glasses,
you can die for people–
even for people whose faces you’ve never seen,
even though you know living
is the most real, the most beautiful thing.
I mean, you must take living so seriously
that even at seventy, for example, you’ll plant olive trees–
and not for your children, either,
but because although you fear death you don’t believe it,
because living, I mean, weighs heavier.

Continue reading

The third with shiny eyes reads ‘ Silent-Sippers vs. Noisy Sippers’

There were bittersweet times when three of them would sit, eat and talk about things. Yes, daily stuff. However, those talks would end, most of the time, with small fight that would bring up discussions. Those small fights had the same reason every time, and it would be repeated over and over again.

It was noise, the invisible cause of fights was noise. Thus, two of them would make noise while eating and sipping, well, on purpose of course, since they knew the third one would get annoyed very much. It was one of the rare cases that one would see the third one annoyed and very angry.

One day, the third one stumbled upon a post called ‘Silent-Sippers vs. Noisy-Sippers‘.  That is what I needed, the third thought since explaining and asking two wouldn’t do any good, and decided not to just join the union of Silent-Sippers but also create a union for Silent-Eaters.


He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is illuminated.
He who defeats others is strong.
He who defeats himself is powerful.
He who knows happiness is rich.
He who keeps his path is wilful.

Be humble and you will become whole.
Bend and you will become straight.
Empty yourself and you will become full.
Wear yourself out and you will become new.

The wise man does not show off, and so he shines.
He does not make himself known, and so he is noticed.
He does not praise himself, and so he has merit.
And because he does not compete,
none in the world can compete with him.

I don’t really know whether it is good or bad to see your thoughts to be written down long ago.  They are from the book called Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu who is considered the founder of Taoism which is a Chinese religious and philosophical tradition. You can read more about the author and the book here. You can read how the book was written  in Paulo Coelho’s blog where I saw them first.  I didn’t know the only symbol I have ever been interested is their symbol-Taijitu.