Inexplicable voice of Shams and Siddhartha

“ I thought too much,” he thought to himself  “ which is why I can’t recognize myself anymore.”

Once there was a weird person with weird thoughts. In one of their casual discussions, he told another person who happened to have similar weird and absurd thoughts on any kind of issues related to mankind and the world: ‘One’s true self is such an essential and perplexed concept  that there are times it takes whole lifetime to understand it. Listen carefully, if you want to find your true self which is a very complicated and challenging process you need to be out of yourself, out of your space and place.’

 
Now, that other weird person is at the very same point; at the very point where the space, place and  self that used to be in his possession faded away somewhere unknown. As days passed, it became harder and harder to go back. It shouldn’t be perceived that he was a faint-hearted man, although he was very weird, on the contrary, he was one of the bravest men in the world who had guts to confess that he had lost all the most precious belongings of his own.

He had already started thinking how to bring those lost belongings back, most importantly, how to find a way back to himself.  He used to live in a certain place with certain people, alas everything and everybody was gone now. He did try to take them with him, although no success came out of that attempt.  Oddly enough, nothing came out of anything and everything tried to turn the power of the situation for his favor and pleasure.  Not surprisingly, deep inside he knew he was about to lose his sanity.

Sanity, for him, has always been crucial ingredient of the existence of a man; once you lose it you lose the track of your actions, thoughts and, in the end, life. While others were praying  to God for material things he used to pray him for his sanity. The fear of losing his sanity had always been unbearable for him.

‘I should have had a life like others,I should have followed the crowd.  Daily life cares should have always been priority in my life. Look at my priorities now, they have already turned the course of my life in a different position. My values. Where are they now?! Of course, they are still with me, the only thing is they are my values now.’ He stopped abruptly, as if trying to wake up from a nightmare in the middle of night, he tried to send his thoughts somewhere unreachable.  And as it follows after nightmare, he tried hard to neglect those thoughts which were causing a severe pain making him uneasy.

Shams says if you want to be reborn you need to die before you actually die. And Siddhartha says: ‘ It was the self, the purpose and essence of which I sought to learn. It was the self, I wanted to free myself from, which I sought to overcome. But I was not able to overcome it, could only deceive it, could only flee from it, only hide from it. Truly, nothing in this world has kept my thoughts this busy, as this my very own self, this mystery of me being alive, of me being one and being separated and isolated from all others, of me being Siddhartha! And there is nothing in this world I know less about than about me, about Siddhartha!! ‘

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