Make your own happiness

We are all born into a family that we don’t have a chance to choose. Then we grow up thinking that our parents, with all their love and affection, are and will always be there for us. However, sometimes things go wrong, and you lose your mother, father, or both of your parents. Afterwards, you begin to realize in this world you are not just alone, but lonely too.

Loneliness is a very sad feeling and yet it is very much part of our life. No matter how true or how much it is in our life, it is difficult to accept. The hardest thing is that as a person, we need to learn how to deal and live with the loneliness. So you try to look toward others to vanquish your loneliness. You find friends at school, university or other places. You share everything from your inner and outer life with other or others. You don’t just share your love, but you are also loved. Alas, one day, the other or others also leave you. So you are again alone.

You know where the irony is. This goes on and on. Although you live just once, this cycle keeps occurring making you more and more confused. But then the time comes when you isolate yourself. It is a tough decision but you feel brave enough to make it. So you allow yourself be not just lonely but alone too.

Last week I saw two people and one said “I am not alone, but I am lonely,” whereas the second one said the exact opposite, “I am not lonely but I am alone.” I don’t know what they exactly meant but I do know that we should always be ready to both. I don’t want to sound pessimistic, however, I believe that we should be ready to realize as well as to accept that, t all of a sudden, we may become at some time be alone and lonely in this world.

We all have met people telling that they are very afraid of being alone. However, I remember some people saying how lonely they are, although they have a lot of people around. That is an odd paradox and one of the real ones in life.

I don’t want to complicate what is already complicated itself. What I have found, based on my observations, is that we are all alone and lonely, although, we all have people in our lives with whom we can share lots of good and bad moments on some level. However, it doesn’t mean that they will always be with us as they are now. So, I believe we should accept the everlasting loneliness within each of us and start living with that instead of searching for somebody to hide this loneliness with fake companionship, a companionship that, intentionally or unintentionally, may be stopped at any time.

During one of our long conversations, my best friend told me that we should build our lives independent from others. This reminded me of another conversation I had with another of my closest friends, which was about the similarity between movies and life; our lives are like movies, it turns around one person, but lots of actors and actresses enter and leave this movie. In this movie of life, the director, whom some people believe is God and some believe it to be the person himself, provides you with directions on the part that you are to play, yet you still improvise your role. So, you are the main character of your life with all your loneliness. Others are just playing secondary roles. Limit other people to playing a secondary role; otherwise, they begin to think that they are the main characters in your life.

When I think about this further, I see it could lead to developing an egotistic persona which can be considered by society an unacceptable characteristic. I find it somewhat difficult to express myself correctly. I am not saying we should all be egoistical and not think about other people’s feelings. Rather, what I am saying is don’t underestimate yourself, and don’t think that you have come to this world to live for others. ‘I want to live for others’ I once heard spoken by another person in my life. I believed what was said then. However, I clearly see now that it was a complete lie. Nobody lives for anybody; it is impossible. Some people try, although, in the end they see both of their lives are somewhat incomplete

When I discuss this with friends, I can’t help myself but add that mothers are different. I am talking about real mothers. What I have seen so far, subconsciously or consciously, is that they are always ready to give up their lives for their children, without anything in return. There have been people who told me mothers also have egoistic feelings, but I believe that all they want from their children in return is nothing but love.

With our mothers and without our mothers, with our parents and without our parents, with our husband or wife and without our husband or wife, with our siblings and friends and without our siblings and friends, we are alone and lonely in this world. We are supposed to play our parts in this theatre, as Shakespeare said, how we want. Life is too short and people are not easy to understand. So instead of searching for others, and living your life for others, you better embrace your loneliness and make your own happiness as you want. No, you are not Robinson Crusoe on an island. Don’t forget to think and care about others. You can’t give others what you don’t have, so before making others happy, first start to make your own happiness!

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One response to this post.

  1. Salam! Xosh gorduk Sizleri!

    Reply

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