Xeyirlisi

Now, me and my loyal friend, netbook.  I have some important news for you. After a month, it will be only you and me; we, you and me, are leaving this country soon.  I will write and you will store what I write as it was before, but there will be changes.  Nothing much will change for you; tremendous changes are waiting for me. Yes,tremendous!

‘New is always better!’ Barney says. ‘Is it? Really?’ I would ask him right now. You will be with me; I am taking you with me, so we will see together whether he is right or not. More about the news; today I was told my visa (yes, my visa for Bulgaria) is ready; I am taking it tomorrow, inshallah. I will give you a secret; I deliberately did not go to the embassy for it today, I don’t know, I wanted to give myself a bit more time.  I used my time, and I again thought, thought and thought. Then I talked with friends, but I have to admit I mostly talked, and they listened to me, thanks to them. Yes, right, ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’.

Last talk with my mum: ‘Mum, I got my visa. Am I really going? Should I really go? Do you want me to go?’ Mum: ‘Xeyirli olsun. Good luck. Go if you want’-The shortest version of our long talks that have been going on for months.

Everybody says I should go. I am telling you, something inside me also says the same. The only important thing from here will be you. We will have different but very different life there.  Mum will not be there to take care of us. Mum will not bring anything to me to eat while I am writing on you. There will be no sisters to ask you to use. Then, when I go to sleep, mum will not be there to turn off you. Most important, mum will not be there to put you back to your case each morning, when I leave you alone. Yes, you are right; life will be a bit harder for us there. Are you sure you can bear all these and more for 20 months? Right, I should ask that question to myself!

I have been thinking lately, how things can change our lives within a day. On those days, you sleep, because somewhere in the depth of your heart, you believe everything will be the same when you wake up. So you sleep, and when you wake up, for very few minutes you think life is the same, however, everything comes back to you in seconds. At that very moment, you realize and accept that everything has really changed. Good or bad, something new has already begun in your life. Beginning from that moment, you try to live with that new.

You know, today, I had the same feelings. Although I did not sleep actually, I did accept today that something changed in my life. Maybe, few minutes when we think nothing has changed, took a lot of time in my case. Today very short phone call made me wake up and see the real situation. In that real situation Sabina has her visa now, and in a month she is leaving the country for a very new place for 20 months with her netbook. Our professor at university used to say that after we write something, we need to read it aloud to see how it really sounds, because that brings new perspective to you. So I am writing the current situation in one sentence and saying it aloud, maybe, we both, you and me, can look at our situation from different perspective, my dear netbook.  Xeyirlisi.

I feel like I have not written anything for ages. But here I am, again my netbook on my knees and fingers dancing on keyboard.  I did not plan any topic to write about, however, I have been thinking of a lot of things lately. Maybe, it was not right time to write anything down.  Anyway, as you read above, my visa is ready, and inshallah I am leaving soon.  No worries, I am not that crazy yet to talk to my netbook.  I just wanted to feel what I would do if I get some important news in the place where I will be living alone. And it turned out I would share it with my netbook as there will be nobody except it. Thanks God, now I have family and friends around to share this news. But who knows, maybe, there will be more such kind of writings to my netbook in the future since I am leaving those wonderful people behind. (Hopefully it is the first and last one though.)

 

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Gretchen on September 15, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Sabina, I’m so proud of you. You are the most honest person…honest to yourself, to us and to your notebook. This is a huge step for you and one that will change you forever. But, it’s also one that you’ve wanted or dreamed about for a long time. Savor it, share it with us, learn and grow. I pray that I can come visit you soon……and GOOD LUCK, GOD BLESS and ENJOY.

    Reply

  2. Thank you, Gretchen, for everything. I have always loved to talk with you, and see your positive energy and smile. So, i will also pray for you to come and visit me. Inshallah we will meet soon. I will be looking forward to that day.

    Reply

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